Most people know by now that my Aunt Joyce has brain cancer. To be exact, a stage four glioblastoma. People I know in the medical field get a real funny look when I share that, because they know what an ugly kind of cancer it is. When we were told the news about her tumor, it was a terrible shock. "How does this happen?" We asked. Then just 3 weeks after that, my Mother died suddenly. Actually, when the call came in late, I thought it was my Mom calling to tell me bad news about my Aunt. I saw the number on the caller ID and said out loud, "Oh no! Not already!" But the voice on the other end was my Dad. And even as he spoke the words, I couldn't hear them, because they were so unexpected, "Your Mother has just died of a massive and sudden heart attack. Your Mother..." What? Say that again...No! Don't say it again. No! No! No!Now my Mother and my Aunt are indelibly linked. I will forever look back on this period of my life as a time of bad news. My Mother and my Aunt were good friends and sisters-in-law, linked together first by my Father, and second, by a time when my Mother took care of my Grandmother while she too died slowly, and so unfairly, of a merciless disease called cancer.
In later years, after Mom and Dad moved to Minnesota, Mom and Aunt Joyce chatted about grandchildren and hobbies on the phone, exchanged photos, took vacations together (with the husbands of course), and maintained a close and loving relationship. My Mother was gone before we could say goodbye. My Aunt will suffer a long goodbye. Two same but different losses reminding me of the fragility and unfairness of life.
My Mother was very worried about my Aunt. She asked me to check in, be her hands, eyes, and ears from afar. Of course Mom is gone now, but this is all I can do: go by for visits with my Aunt, try to remember something interesting to chat about, make an effort to be a comfort, let her know I am listening, and remind her that Mom is waiting, along with Grandma, to greet her with arms open wide, a familiar smile, and an assurance that we will all be together again someday.
