I have been giving a lot of thought to the idea of self-esteem. The older my children get, the more I hear mention of it. I hear about parents who want to assure their children have the proper amount of it, that is. In considering the meaning of true self-esteem, I first look back to my own childhood. I do not recall ever hearing a term like this mentioned as I was growing up. As a matter of fact, it seems to me that parents were more concerned about us getting "too big for our britches" and knowing our place than they were about us thinking even more of ourselves than we already did. So, as I continue to ponder this notion, I must ask, "What saith the scriptures?"
It turns out that the scripture instructs us to esteem others. No mention of needing to think more highly of ourselves, other than we shouldn't (Rom 12:3). The Word instructs us to esteem others greater than ourselves (Phil 2:3), and to esteem those doing the work of the ministry for their labors (I Thes 5:13). This tells me two things. First, if we are asked to esteem others, then it must not come naturally. Second, esteem should be based on something tangible, such as work.
These two points are important for this reason: our culture has forgotten that people (children) naturally see themselves as the center of the universe, and without any training whatsoever, will naturally esteem themselves over others, and, that praise should be reserved for actual accomplishments. This is an important distinction to me.
While this idea of giving both teams a trophy was designed to spare the losing team the pain of defeat at a tender age, it has really stolen from the victor the feeling of triumph. I suppose as a parent I am expected to continuously tell my children that they are awesome, for fear that they will begin to feel bad about themselves, and become unhappy in life. And this might compensate for the fact that all competition has been removed from their lives in favor of political correctness.
To me, this really cheapens those real moments when the child masters the difficult, faces their fears, pitches in without being asked, rises to the moment, and has every right to experience a moment of pride. I am a believer of praise. I love to encourage my children. I don't however, think I need to bolster my children's self-esteem with any additional accolades, other than the ones they earn.
Shouldn't true self-esteem be the result of actually accomplishing something? And shouldn't our identity as Christians be the result of placing someone else above ourselves and experiencing the fullness that this act produces in our hearts? Do you remember a time in your life when you really felt good about yourself? It was always related to somthing tangible that you had achieved. Do you think that it would have been as powerful a moment for you if you had not really earned it? This is what I think happens when parents falsely pump up their children with excessive praise in an attempt to "make them like themselves."
I can tell my kids all day long that they are the most amazing, awesome, incredible humans that ever walked, but what kind of narcissism will that produce? In truth, sometimes we are shameful examples of people, and measured shame is healthy. We are supposed to approach others with lowliness of mind! (Eph 4:2) This means, we are humble, and we place their needs above our own. The end result of that loving act is a joy and satisfaction that surpasses worldly self-esteem ten fold.
I challenge each of you today to consider the concept of self-esteem, and whether you have bought in to the psychology of "self-like" when it comes to your children, or even yourself. As adults, sometimes we feel as though life has beat us up. This seems more true the older we get and the more experiences (and traumas) we have to endure in life. God tells us that if we truly wish to feel better about ourselves, then we need to get out there and do something for someone else. Our children are watching. They will learn to do the same! What an excellent esteem builder that is.
Grace & Peace, Angie
Sunday, October 9, 2011
Friday, January 21, 2011
Lessons from Joseph - How to Grieve
Yesterday I was busy cleaning out my email folder because I got a notice that said it was getting a bit stuffed. Since my account is set up to keep a copy of all sent messages, I first went there and selected all the files and deleted them. Seeing that this didn’t change my file usage any, I realized that I now had to go to my deleted file folder and officially delete them forever. Just as I was paging through them I noticed a big gap in time and some messages from a couple of years ago at the end. It suddenly occurred to me what I had done: I had deleted the last correspondence between my Mom and myself just before she died; messages that I had intentionally left in tact in prior clean-up sessions. Knowing now what I had done, I paged through them, read them one last time, and let them go, as the tears poured down my checks and soaked the front of my shirt.
That evening as I was reading to my children, our Bible story was about Joseph at the time when Jacob and the rest of the family had come to reside in Egypt during the long years of famine. Jacob’s dying wish had been to be buried with his ancestors (Abraham, Sarah, Isaac, Rebekah, and Leah) in a cave that was in the land where God had led them; the land of Canaan. Joseph enquired with the Pharaoh, received permission, and formed a caravan to take his father to the tomb in their homeland as promised.
The embalming of Jacob took 40 days. This Egyptian method of embalming was slow, but effective. After the embalming, there was another 70 days of mourning. Then the caravan transported him to his burial tomb (no telling how long this took), and still Joseph took another 7 days to stop and mourn for his father in his homeland before returning to Egypt. In all, it would likely have taken several months, start to finish. I found this quite interesting. And a far cry from how we say goodbye to loved ones these days! I daresay that our Creator has a better handle on what would constitute ‘bereavement’ than our modern and so-called advanced cultures do. Anyone who has suffered a great loss can tell you that the opportunities to grieve are quite insufficient in this fast-paced, over-scheduled, high stress, society of ours!
I am left to ponder these thoughts within myself. Grief happens in stages, and it can be very slow. I wonder if we were ever allowed to fully embrace it--like Joseph did--if in the long run it wouldn’t have been a shorter, and more healing, way to do it.
~Grace and Peace
That evening as I was reading to my children, our Bible story was about Joseph at the time when Jacob and the rest of the family had come to reside in Egypt during the long years of famine. Jacob’s dying wish had been to be buried with his ancestors (Abraham, Sarah, Isaac, Rebekah, and Leah) in a cave that was in the land where God had led them; the land of Canaan. Joseph enquired with the Pharaoh, received permission, and formed a caravan to take his father to the tomb in their homeland as promised.
The embalming of Jacob took 40 days. This Egyptian method of embalming was slow, but effective. After the embalming, there was another 70 days of mourning. Then the caravan transported him to his burial tomb (no telling how long this took), and still Joseph took another 7 days to stop and mourn for his father in his homeland before returning to Egypt. In all, it would likely have taken several months, start to finish. I found this quite interesting. And a far cry from how we say goodbye to loved ones these days! I daresay that our Creator has a better handle on what would constitute ‘bereavement’ than our modern and so-called advanced cultures do. Anyone who has suffered a great loss can tell you that the opportunities to grieve are quite insufficient in this fast-paced, over-scheduled, high stress, society of ours!
I am left to ponder these thoughts within myself. Grief happens in stages, and it can be very slow. I wonder if we were ever allowed to fully embrace it--like Joseph did--if in the long run it wouldn’t have been a shorter, and more healing, way to do it.
~Grace and Peace
Saturday, December 11, 2010
Religion & Politics
It is a commonly repeated phrase, "Two things I never discuss: religion and politics." I was thinking about this the other day, and wondering, is this a 'new' or modern viewpoint or has it always been customary to avoid these topics in public conversation? Being a sociologist by both trade and hobby, I had to examine this phenomenon. Turns out, discussion of religion and politics is a fairly new faux pas. Ah, yes, what was I thinking? Political correctness! Whereas it used to be customary for people to share different positions on God and the State, now it is inappropriate and untactful in nearly every setting.
Ancient civilizations all over the globe considered debate essential to the human condition. Education in logic (not mathematical logic, but critical thinking in a broader sense) began in late primary years, and was followed by extensive education in the grammar of Rhetoric, what some would call speech or debate today. Great minds would meet in the public square and reason their ideas for hours. Theologians would gather in the temple and reason from the scriptures for days. Philosophers would wonder from town to town teaching in the streets their ideas, asking peoples to consider new thoughts and ideas, and what shaped them.
This begs the question, how does one ever get to fully develop a viewpoint if they are never to hear any differing ones? I do know some exceptional humans who make a point of exploring various spiritual and political perspectives, but in all honesty, they are a rare exception. Most of us gather our opinions and life view from our parents. As we grow, school becomes our largest influence, and we may garner some additional ideas from our friends. While employers may have some influence, college probably has the largest and most powerful impact on our perspective. Certainly this was my experience. And it is disconcerting for me, as colleges in America are the most liberal institutions in the world. Even the reading has been dumbed down, modified to avoid offending certain peoples, scrubbed of ideas that go against the single-minded viewpoint of the establishment. The professors are unabashed about their intolerance of the traditional, conservative foundations upon which this nation was laid. I was young enough in college that I simply accepted their point of view as fact, and rarely thought more about it. Later, as I matured, I began to hear about and learn other ideas.
My fear as I observe our cultural changes is that my children won't have any opportunity to enter into a debate of ideas because it is no longer acceptable to debate. And since our culture is quickly moving away from any concept of God or faith, the only viewpoint left will be man's viewpoint. Given enough time, the 'polite' method of avoiding politics and religion in any discussion will ensure that not one more human being will get to hear about Jesus Christ and the gift He gave the world with His death. Additionally, anyone who would like to learn about our country's grand heritage of say, The Constitution, would likely be called a dinosaur or an intolerant for straying from the popular viewpoint.
Hmmmm. I want to be optimistic about our future. I would prefer to rejoice in considering the countless joys awaiting the next generation. As I teach my children and prepare them for the Great Conversation, I wonder, "Is that conversation over?" As I watch our economy crumble, our moral fiber disintegrate, and our characters weaken, I cannot help but speculate. The Law of Entropy, the Second Law of Thermodynamics, simply stated, is that things become more disordered over time, unless acted upon by another, more powerful force. We have become passive participants in our political and religious life. Therefore, if nothing is done, chaos is inevitable.
So the next time you see me at a social gathering, don't be surprised if I say, "You'd like to discuss politics and religion? Why of course!"
Ancient civilizations all over the globe considered debate essential to the human condition. Education in logic (not mathematical logic, but critical thinking in a broader sense) began in late primary years, and was followed by extensive education in the grammar of Rhetoric, what some would call speech or debate today. Great minds would meet in the public square and reason their ideas for hours. Theologians would gather in the temple and reason from the scriptures for days. Philosophers would wonder from town to town teaching in the streets their ideas, asking peoples to consider new thoughts and ideas, and what shaped them.
This begs the question, how does one ever get to fully develop a viewpoint if they are never to hear any differing ones? I do know some exceptional humans who make a point of exploring various spiritual and political perspectives, but in all honesty, they are a rare exception. Most of us gather our opinions and life view from our parents. As we grow, school becomes our largest influence, and we may garner some additional ideas from our friends. While employers may have some influence, college probably has the largest and most powerful impact on our perspective. Certainly this was my experience. And it is disconcerting for me, as colleges in America are the most liberal institutions in the world. Even the reading has been dumbed down, modified to avoid offending certain peoples, scrubbed of ideas that go against the single-minded viewpoint of the establishment. The professors are unabashed about their intolerance of the traditional, conservative foundations upon which this nation was laid. I was young enough in college that I simply accepted their point of view as fact, and rarely thought more about it. Later, as I matured, I began to hear about and learn other ideas.
My fear as I observe our cultural changes is that my children won't have any opportunity to enter into a debate of ideas because it is no longer acceptable to debate. And since our culture is quickly moving away from any concept of God or faith, the only viewpoint left will be man's viewpoint. Given enough time, the 'polite' method of avoiding politics and religion in any discussion will ensure that not one more human being will get to hear about Jesus Christ and the gift He gave the world with His death. Additionally, anyone who would like to learn about our country's grand heritage of say, The Constitution, would likely be called a dinosaur or an intolerant for straying from the popular viewpoint.
Hmmmm. I want to be optimistic about our future. I would prefer to rejoice in considering the countless joys awaiting the next generation. As I teach my children and prepare them for the Great Conversation, I wonder, "Is that conversation over?" As I watch our economy crumble, our moral fiber disintegrate, and our characters weaken, I cannot help but speculate. The Law of Entropy, the Second Law of Thermodynamics, simply stated, is that things become more disordered over time, unless acted upon by another, more powerful force. We have become passive participants in our political and religious life. Therefore, if nothing is done, chaos is inevitable.
So the next time you see me at a social gathering, don't be surprised if I say, "You'd like to discuss politics and religion? Why of course!"
Wednesday, June 2, 2010
Who created the universe?
Lately, because I am actively educating my children, the science of creation versus evolution comes up frequently. In looking at online reviews of books and documentaries, I am amazed at how incredibly offended people are by the idea that GOD might have done this whole thing! I used to get bent out of shape and try to 'show' people the other side of things, but I have come to realize some important facts in this debate.
For one, you can't discuss matters of faith with someone who has no faith, or rather, has placed their faith in the wisdom of men. I find it absurd that people find it easier to believe that the universe created itself from nothing rather than believing that God did it. Is the idea of a God really that great of an offense? Really? For some, it is. And they find it absurd that I would place my faith in God, or rather the Word of God. I have chosen to believe, by faith, that God created the universe and that same God, having the ability to create the Universe, also has the ability to preserve His words in a book on which I depend.
There is much science to support intelligent design, but again, people believe what they want to believe. It is a matter of faith. Have you placed your faith in the Word of God, or in the Word of Men? Its really that simple. I was educated by government school evolutionists. Late in life, as I was exposed to creation science, I found it rather easy to compare the science and choose creationism, hands down, even coming in with the bias of having believed in evolution as truth in fact from my youth.
I was educated in the same system that essentially has blacklisted creationist viewpoint and so creation was never offered to me as an option. Today I feel that if a belief system cannot hold up to an opposing viewpoint, then it must not be particularly strong. And evolution, like creationism, is a viewpoint, because it cannot be scientifically removed from 'theory' status. Again, one is man's viewpoint, and the other is God's viewpoint. As I educate my children, I am not afraid to show them the viewpoints of the 'other' side because I have confidence that truth always prevails. We watch a lot of Discovery channel, Science channel or National Geographic, and all of it teaches evolution. My children have often noticed the leaping assumptions evolutionists make when presenting their observations.
Just like Darwin when he brought his finches back from the Galapagos Islands, showing how their 'changing' beaks were evidence of evolution. Today the scientists observe that the finches have different beaks every year, depending on the weather. Sometimes thicker, sometimes thinner. Darwin was not there long enough to collect sufficient data to be accurate. Yet scientists cling to his assumptions formed with incomplete data because that is what they WANT to believe.
Now as I study more, I see the real issue. Scripture explains it best: their eyes won't see and their foolish hearts are darkened. The God of the Bible, Jesus Christ, is where I have chosen to place my faith. I am told that He will make the wise into fools and the foolish wise. For this reason, I feel less inclined to debate creation versus evolution, because I figure He can set things straight better than I ever could. I am kinda looking forward to that day.
Grace and Peace.
For one, you can't discuss matters of faith with someone who has no faith, or rather, has placed their faith in the wisdom of men. I find it absurd that people find it easier to believe that the universe created itself from nothing rather than believing that God did it. Is the idea of a God really that great of an offense? Really? For some, it is. And they find it absurd that I would place my faith in God, or rather the Word of God. I have chosen to believe, by faith, that God created the universe and that same God, having the ability to create the Universe, also has the ability to preserve His words in a book on which I depend.
There is much science to support intelligent design, but again, people believe what they want to believe. It is a matter of faith. Have you placed your faith in the Word of God, or in the Word of Men? Its really that simple. I was educated by government school evolutionists. Late in life, as I was exposed to creation science, I found it rather easy to compare the science and choose creationism, hands down, even coming in with the bias of having believed in evolution as truth in fact from my youth.
I was educated in the same system that essentially has blacklisted creationist viewpoint and so creation was never offered to me as an option. Today I feel that if a belief system cannot hold up to an opposing viewpoint, then it must not be particularly strong. And evolution, like creationism, is a viewpoint, because it cannot be scientifically removed from 'theory' status. Again, one is man's viewpoint, and the other is God's viewpoint. As I educate my children, I am not afraid to show them the viewpoints of the 'other' side because I have confidence that truth always prevails. We watch a lot of Discovery channel, Science channel or National Geographic, and all of it teaches evolution. My children have often noticed the leaping assumptions evolutionists make when presenting their observations.
Just like Darwin when he brought his finches back from the Galapagos Islands, showing how their 'changing' beaks were evidence of evolution. Today the scientists observe that the finches have different beaks every year, depending on the weather. Sometimes thicker, sometimes thinner. Darwin was not there long enough to collect sufficient data to be accurate. Yet scientists cling to his assumptions formed with incomplete data because that is what they WANT to believe.
Now as I study more, I see the real issue. Scripture explains it best: their eyes won't see and their foolish hearts are darkened. The God of the Bible, Jesus Christ, is where I have chosen to place my faith. I am told that He will make the wise into fools and the foolish wise. For this reason, I feel less inclined to debate creation versus evolution, because I figure He can set things straight better than I ever could. I am kinda looking forward to that day.
Grace and Peace.
Wednesday, May 12, 2010
Finding myself content in all things
It has been a very busy year. It has been a year of weeping and a year of healing. Not just emotionally, but physically. After a long health struggle, the worst seems to be behind me. I sure hope so! I have been blessed by a team of doctors that has been willing to work with me and get this under control naturally. And I feel terrific! Add to that the fact that I have met some amazing homeschooling Moms this past year, and life couldn't be better. I am inspired by them! Most of them have very large families, and here I am with just my two. How can I complain? I have learned much and I have a renewed interest in really doing this right. When people ask me why I home school, well I have a long list of reasons, but the real purpose is simple, and thus my new mission statement: God gave the job of rearing Godly children to me and my husband, not to the state or any other institution. I am raising them to be the people God wants them to be: ambassadors for Christ. I am building two tabernacles. I may not see the fruit of my work in my lifetime, but daily I build, with careful attention to every detail, because although I may not see the results, and others may not see my efforts, God does. For this, I am thankful.
Tuesday, April 28, 2009
Saying Goodbye to My Friend Ashley
Last week one of my dear friends went home to be with the Lord. Her name is Ashley Hofele, and here is her obituary:
Ashley Elizabeth Wilson Hofele
Ashley was a most amazing friend and human being. My husband had known Jesse for some years, but we didn't know much about his new wife. I had only spoken to her a few times before I attended a party at her home. I liked her right away. Later that night, after the party, my Mother died unexpectedly. As soon as Ashley heard, she called me to see what I needed. I had to travel out of state to help my Father with arrangements. I asked Ashley if she would look in on my husband Jon who had to take a quick leave from work and stay home with our children, who had just turned 3 and 5. She called several women from church and arranged for meals to be brought to him while I was gone. She even called Jon while I was gone to see if she could help in any other way.
In addition to losing my Mother suddenly, my aunt was dying of cancer. Ashley was concerned for me, and checked in on me often. It was the lowest time in my life. She would send inspiring poems or songs through email, or call to see if I needed to talk. She would offer to watch my children when I needed to visit my aunt. We seemed to be instant friends and grew closer and closer over the next year. Ashley gave me a lot of support, strength and comfort when I really needed it. I knew that Ashley did not have a lot of life experience, but when it came to compassion, she really seemed wise beyond her years.
Ashley had a quick and gorgeous smile, an easy laugh, and I enjoyed her immensely. We began a Bible study together and discussed serious issues related to ambassadorship, life, death, and illness. I always said Ashley was a 'Berean.' In the Bible, it was the Bereans that searched the scriptures to find answers to life's questions. Ashley certainly had a lot of questions, and she had a real reverence for the Word of God. If she was struggling with an issue, we studied it out in scripture. If the Bible proclaimed it, then it was settled for her.
Ashley had such a mature attitude about having Lupus, a chronic illness, and said that she had come to accept that she had to approach life differently now. Ashley had a wonderful understanding of her position in Christ and knew that by suffering in dignity she was honoring her savior. I knew that Ashley was suffering, but it wasn't because she complained. I tried to get her to slow down, but she was determined to do what her heart lead her to do...she had a heart for service and love of God that I often admired.
Ashley always spoke highly of her husband and family. She didn't like it when people complained or spoke negatively about the people they loved. She was completely devoted to Joshua. To this day, I cannot figure out how she got so much done and still managed to stay connected to her friends and family on a regular basis! I thought of Ashley like a sister. I can only pray that she really knew how much I respected and cared for her. I still love her!
I wonder if people will think I am exaggerating about what a wonderful person Ashley is now that she is gone? On my kids birthdays this year, she really went out of her way to get them something they would enjoy. And Reese made it hard on her. He wanted a toy fork lift. But she found the perfect gifts and I could really tell my kids appreciated her kindness and felt special when she and Joshua brought them over. Reese actually sleeps with his forklift. Aubrey got an Ariel doll, which of course she sleeps with too, and the Ariel 2 movie. We watched the movie today, and it explains how Ariel's Mother died, and then the King forgot happiness. But the persistent love of his friends and daughter helped him find happiness again. I had no idea this was the story. I wept. Right now, all things will remind me of this loss. As if I need any reminders.
I often encouraged Ashley to take better care of herself. “Get more rest!” I would urge. But nothing could stop her. She had absolutely the most energy of anyone I knew, especially someone with a chronic illness and undergoing immunosuppressive treatment. Ashley often had insomnia, something we had in common. I would be up late, surfing the net, when an instant message would pop up from Ash. “What are you doing up?” I would ask. “Go to bed!” “Oh, you’re one to talk.” She would respond. “Want to take a walk at the reserve tomorrow?” I am missing those requests already. That fabulous “Hiiiiii” greeting on the telephone each day.
What am I going to do without her? If it weren’t for God, I don’t know how I could bear it. Every time I think about her, I feel like I can barely breathe. I think of her devoted husband, her darling son. The unfairness of this life. I think about our last conversation. Just a couple days before she left us. I was on my way out of town to a homeschool convention. Laughing and making plans to meet at her Mom’s new house the next week. Two calls actually…sometimes she would “remember” why she called the first time and call back because we talked so much she had forgotten what it was. I’m going to miss her so much!
Sometimes Ashley would get emotional, but even when her feelings were hurt or she felt offended, she was eager to forgive, and make peace. She wanted to think the best of people. Ashley didn't put up with a lot of nonsense, yet she could be as soft and fragile and as easily bruised as a rose blossom. I’d always tell her “you’re a great person, don’t worry about the little things people say, they don’t know any better anyway.” She’d say “OK. I’ll just pray for them.” Wow! Like her Bible study, Ashley used prayer to grow in her relationship with God and with others, and it showed. She was hungry for growth and it came.
But then Ashley knew that she had something very special: eternal life. Ashley had trusted Jesus Christ for her eternal salvation and she wanted to walk worthy of her gift and share it with everyone who would listen. It is my prayer that her son will grow up and serve our savior, just as his Mother did. In my opinion, Ashley did an amazing thing, something many of us hope to do, but often fall short: she left her world better than she found it.
Ashley Elizabeth Wilson Hofele
Ashley was a most amazing friend and human being. My husband had known Jesse for some years, but we didn't know much about his new wife. I had only spoken to her a few times before I attended a party at her home. I liked her right away. Later that night, after the party, my Mother died unexpectedly. As soon as Ashley heard, she called me to see what I needed. I had to travel out of state to help my Father with arrangements. I asked Ashley if she would look in on my husband Jon who had to take a quick leave from work and stay home with our children, who had just turned 3 and 5. She called several women from church and arranged for meals to be brought to him while I was gone. She even called Jon while I was gone to see if she could help in any other way.
In addition to losing my Mother suddenly, my aunt was dying of cancer. Ashley was concerned for me, and checked in on me often. It was the lowest time in my life. She would send inspiring poems or songs through email, or call to see if I needed to talk. She would offer to watch my children when I needed to visit my aunt. We seemed to be instant friends and grew closer and closer over the next year. Ashley gave me a lot of support, strength and comfort when I really needed it. I knew that Ashley did not have a lot of life experience, but when it came to compassion, she really seemed wise beyond her years.Ashley had a quick and gorgeous smile, an easy laugh, and I enjoyed her immensely. We began a Bible study together and discussed serious issues related to ambassadorship, life, death, and illness. I always said Ashley was a 'Berean.' In the Bible, it was the Bereans that searched the scriptures to find answers to life's questions. Ashley certainly had a lot of questions, and she had a real reverence for the Word of God. If she was struggling with an issue, we studied it out in scripture. If the Bible proclaimed it, then it was settled for her.
Ashley had such a mature attitude about having Lupus, a chronic illness, and said that she had come to accept that she had to approach life differently now. Ashley had a wonderful understanding of her position in Christ and knew that by suffering in dignity she was honoring her savior. I knew that Ashley was suffering, but it wasn't because she complained. I tried to get her to slow down, but she was determined to do what her heart lead her to do...she had a heart for service and love of God that I often admired.
Ashley always spoke highly of her husband and family. She didn't like it when people complained or spoke negatively about the people they loved. She was completely devoted to Joshua. To this day, I cannot figure out how she got so much done and still managed to stay connected to her friends and family on a regular basis! I thought of Ashley like a sister. I can only pray that she really knew how much I respected and cared for her. I still love her!
I wonder if people will think I am exaggerating about what a wonderful person Ashley is now that she is gone? On my kids birthdays this year, she really went out of her way to get them something they would enjoy. And Reese made it hard on her. He wanted a toy fork lift. But she found the perfect gifts and I could really tell my kids appreciated her kindness and felt special when she and Joshua brought them over. Reese actually sleeps with his forklift. Aubrey got an Ariel doll, which of course she sleeps with too, and the Ariel 2 movie. We watched the movie today, and it explains how Ariel's Mother died, and then the King forgot happiness. But the persistent love of his friends and daughter helped him find happiness again. I had no idea this was the story. I wept. Right now, all things will remind me of this loss. As if I need any reminders.
I often encouraged Ashley to take better care of herself. “Get more rest!” I would urge. But nothing could stop her. She had absolutely the most energy of anyone I knew, especially someone with a chronic illness and undergoing immunosuppressive treatment. Ashley often had insomnia, something we had in common. I would be up late, surfing the net, when an instant message would pop up from Ash. “What are you doing up?” I would ask. “Go to bed!” “Oh, you’re one to talk.” She would respond. “Want to take a walk at the reserve tomorrow?” I am missing those requests already. That fabulous “Hiiiiii” greeting on the telephone each day.
What am I going to do without her? If it weren’t for God, I don’t know how I could bear it. Every time I think about her, I feel like I can barely breathe. I think of her devoted husband, her darling son. The unfairness of this life. I think about our last conversation. Just a couple days before she left us. I was on my way out of town to a homeschool convention. Laughing and making plans to meet at her Mom’s new house the next week. Two calls actually…sometimes she would “remember” why she called the first time and call back because we talked so much she had forgotten what it was. I’m going to miss her so much!
Sometimes Ashley would get emotional, but even when her feelings were hurt or she felt offended, she was eager to forgive, and make peace. She wanted to think the best of people. Ashley didn't put up with a lot of nonsense, yet she could be as soft and fragile and as easily bruised as a rose blossom. I’d always tell her “you’re a great person, don’t worry about the little things people say, they don’t know any better anyway.” She’d say “OK. I’ll just pray for them.” Wow! Like her Bible study, Ashley used prayer to grow in her relationship with God and with others, and it showed. She was hungry for growth and it came.
But then Ashley knew that she had something very special: eternal life. Ashley had trusted Jesus Christ for her eternal salvation and she wanted to walk worthy of her gift and share it with everyone who would listen. It is my prayer that her son will grow up and serve our savior, just as his Mother did. In my opinion, Ashley did an amazing thing, something many of us hope to do, but often fall short: she left her world better than she found it.
Wednesday, April 1, 2009
No April Foolin'
The other day my daughter and I were reading one of her story books about opposites: over and under, off and on, and this sort of thing. Then we get to the page where there are four clowns. She points to the tall one and says “That’s Daddy.”
“That’s nice.” I reply.
Then she points to the short one and says “That’s me.”
“Which one am I?” I ask. Then she points to the fat one. (I guess its not PC to say 'fat' anymore...the 'larger' one?)
Well, how about that? This child whom I adore, who I sacrificed health, independence and sometimes sanity for, has struck a blow deep into my core. So I look at her lovingly and move on to the next page.
Anyone who says that you have children to complete yourself, or fill a void, really doesn’t understand parenthood at all. Children are painfully candid and innocently honest. Someone without a strong sense of themselves might find themselves unnecessarily wounded by statements like, “Mommy, why do you have a mustache?” or “Did they have trees when you were little back in the olden days?”
Having children is the single event most challenging to our egos. Anyone who has them knows. And they will tell anything to anyone at anytime, mostly at the wrong time. Like when my friend’s son, who I had referred to as my “best friend”, said “Mom, I thought you said Lisa was your best friend?” Ouch. Well, my parents never said life was easy. I didn’t realize they were speaking out of the new wisdom that came with parenthood (I had probably just exposed something they said just before this revelation).
Well, we keep telling them that honesty is the best policy. And they are a frank reminder that those little white lies serve an important purpose. Life is full of embarrassment, especially at the hand of our children. But it’s all worth it. That’s my story and I’m sticking to it. Honest.
“That’s nice.” I reply.
Then she points to the short one and says “That’s me.”
“Which one am I?” I ask. Then she points to the fat one. (I guess its not PC to say 'fat' anymore...the 'larger' one?)
Well, how about that? This child whom I adore, who I sacrificed health, independence and sometimes sanity for, has struck a blow deep into my core. So I look at her lovingly and move on to the next page.
Anyone who says that you have children to complete yourself, or fill a void, really doesn’t understand parenthood at all. Children are painfully candid and innocently honest. Someone without a strong sense of themselves might find themselves unnecessarily wounded by statements like, “Mommy, why do you have a mustache?” or “Did they have trees when you were little back in the olden days?”
Having children is the single event most challenging to our egos. Anyone who has them knows. And they will tell anything to anyone at anytime, mostly at the wrong time. Like when my friend’s son, who I had referred to as my “best friend”, said “Mom, I thought you said Lisa was your best friend?” Ouch. Well, my parents never said life was easy. I didn’t realize they were speaking out of the new wisdom that came with parenthood (I had probably just exposed something they said just before this revelation).
Well, we keep telling them that honesty is the best policy. And they are a frank reminder that those little white lies serve an important purpose. Life is full of embarrassment, especially at the hand of our children. But it’s all worth it. That’s my story and I’m sticking to it. Honest.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)