Please stop bringing up the "s" word!

As a homeschooling family, one word that people constantly bring up to us is “socialization.” As if the fact that we are educating our children means that we are completely out of contact with civilization, while in fact most home school families I know have lives rich with outside activities. I actually had one friend who used the example of a home schooled child she knew who was a tattle tale. This was comical to me. Apparently, prior to homeschooling, telling on other children simply didn’t exist, and so any character flaw that a child displays is immediately ascribed to the fact they are home schooled. I guess children in government school don’t have any flaws. In my observation, all children seem to have innate character differences right from birth. Some children seem shy, some outgoing, some children are clingy, and some are independent. The fact that children are individual with differing personalities (and flaws) doesn’t even come to mind when people are trying to convince me that my children will have poor social abilities if I educate them myself.

I have a completely different take on what positive social skills look like. In fact, I find that our children have improved social opportunities. One difference that I see in public schools is that children who are different from the majority are ridiculed for their individuality. Bullying is back on the upswing. If you are a shy person by nature, you better change, or expect to be cast out for the balance of your school years. Another big difference is the ability to socialize with different ages groups. Public school kids are grouped by age and those groupings encourage kids to avoid other children, especially younger ones. In my home schooling circles, the older kids nurture and look out after the younger ones. They don’t say “ooh, yuck, don’t play with the little kids!” like you see on the public school playground. Also, because my children are always with me or another adult (in public school children have sizable blocks of unsupervised time where they are being negatively socialized by other kids), I have not had to drill “stranger danger” into them. When we are out in public, my son, who tends to be shy by nature, is friendly to everyone he sees. He is careful with younger children in the nursery at church. He is not afraid of older children on the playground.

An ironic side to the argument people make about me needing public school to properly socialize my kids, is that these same parents chronicle for me the list of issues the school is currently dealing with regarding, teen pregnancy, drug use, and violence. They tell me how their child learned their first dirty word in Kindergarten from one of the older kids, and then try to convince me I need the school system to properly socialize my children? In truth, the social reality defined by the culture of our schools is in conflict with our Christian values. Negative peer pressure surrounding materialism (designer clothes and cell phones at age 7), and the complete intolerance of anyone who is different are in direct conflict with those values. The school itself perpetuates those values. I mean, the one-size-fits-all curriculum itself is designed to work for the people who fall in the middle. If you are stronger or weaker, you will stand out, and you may fail if you don’t conform. I understand there is no other way for schools to address the issue, there is one teacher and 30 kids and they have designed a program that works for most.

The other socialization case people make for public schools is the idea that they are not being prepared for the real world. Another concept I find entertaining, unless of course the real world is run like “The Lord of the Flies.” The one thing I remember most about entering the work force is how completely different it was from my school years. All of my peers were different ages and backgrounds. There was no bullying, name calling or making fun of the top performers. We treated each other with respect, and individuality was equated with creativity and therefore encouraged. We also never snuck away to use drugs or drink on the job or hide in the bathroom to perform sexual acts on each other. We did not disrespect the boss and there was no peer pressure to do the wrong thing (“come on, try it!”), but there was a lot of pressure to be honest, work hard, and get along with others. A very similar environment to my classroom at home, and the interactions we have with other homeschooling families.

So if you are concerned about socialization as an issue for my children when I chose to home school, rest assured, so was I. And please, stop saying the “s” word around my children.